Another Step

Today my dear friend Roberta had to cede more territory to The Monster.

Today my oncologist confidently stated that some day we would have to move on to chemotherapy. He was able to do that because we all know that at some point the symptoms/pain from the tumors will be bad enough that I'll wonder whether it's worse than the chemo would feel. I'll have to balance evil against evil, with no way of knowing which is worse. We all suspect that point is coming in the not too distant future.

In the end, the result will be the same. The bumps in the road might be affected by my choices, but the destination is assured.

Some day it won't matter what choice Roberta or I make. The Monster will have eaten everything it can, and we will escape down a path that The Monster and our loved ones will not be able to follow.

Until then, Roberta and I just do as we must do - or stop doing what we can no longer do. And endure it, because refusing to endure is not among the choices offered.


Another reminder, which I will probably be repeating for the next couple weeks. It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Get your thermogram (or mammogram if that's your only option), do your self-check (yes, I do recommend it - I know too many women who found their cancer through self-check when their mammograms showed nothing), get your annual pap smear - or PSA test, if you are a guy. Make sure you are getting plenty of vitamin D via sunlight and/or D3, make sure you are getting enough iodine, get your hormone levels checked if you suspect they might be unbalanced.

But also - if you feel that something just isn't right with you lately, don't let yourself be put off just because initial tests don't show anything. I know it can be discouraging to deal with doctors who pooh-pooh you, but keep at it until you find the real cause of the problem. If I hadn't let myself be put off, we might have found my cancer a year earlier, and it might have been curable at that point. Trust yourself and your knowledge of your own body. Be your own fierce advocate.

You are worth it.


Delighted Hands said...

I am glad you posted this. Incredible words of wisdom.

Dori Ann said...

Eileen,sometimes you just post things that there is no response to. I'm not sure if it's good or not :) You are in my heart and prayers everyday. I want the rest of your time here as pain free as possible. We will all make that trip someday,it's hard to leave this world, I don't think anyone is truly "ready". It's even more difficult when you are so young. I do know that there will be no pain or regrets at the end of the trip. If you go there first ( and we never know) I will see you there one day. Please give my big boy a hug when you see him there :) He has instructions to "show" you around.

Dennis Pyritz, RN said...

Great Blog! You are a credit to the cancer blogging community. I have added you to my blogroll, “Cancer Blogs” with over 1000 other personal cancer blogs at www.beingcancer.net, a cancer networking site featuring a cancer book club, guest blogs, cancer resources, reviews and more.
If you have not visited before or recently, please stop by. If you agree that the site is a worthwhile resource for those affected by cancer, please consider adding Being Cancer Network to your own blogroll.
Now that you are listed, you can expect to gain a wider audience for your thoughts and experiences. Being Cancer Network is a place to share and communicate.
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Take care, Dennis (beingcancer@att.net)

The Violet Hoarder said...

What you don't surrender, life just strips away--Bruce Springsteen.

Hard hard lessons you're learning...and sharing with us in such a spirit of generosity. Like your other reader says--there aren't words to respond to some of your posts. But that doesn't mean hearts are reaching out to you. I'm sometimes rendered speechless by your unflinching honesty and courage (yes, courage in the best French sense of the word.)I'm so glad you'll be getting more readers--you so deserve them.