I am firing the clinic/doctors I've been 'working with' (ha), and going on to a new Team.
I couldn't get an appointment with the very popular oncologist until Feb. 10, which is rather late to be starting over (this is a very aggressive cancer), but I did manage to get an appointment with the new surgeon.
I was very impressed with her nurse, as was mom, and the doctor seemed nice enough. Better, she gave me lots of information. It wasn't all pleasant information; some of it was upsetting, and all the more disturbing because the oncologist I had been going to had completely neglected to mention much of it: the femur still had a spot of activity on it (which he had implied was not the case); the fibroid tumor in my ovary was growing and could burst the ovary and/or turn cancerous; my uterus is pre-cancerous; I should probably have a hysterectomy; and I have a large hernia which I probably will have to let go for a while because 'the cure is probably worse than the disease'.
Well, gee, you can see why the oncologist didn't feel that lowly old me needed to know any of these things. It's not as though I might be making any major decisions in the near future in which having this information might be useful...
Mom looked as though she'd been hit by a truck - I felt the same, but she says that I looked as though this was all old news. My face has never reflected accurately what is going on inside, and clearly it is not learning new tricks at this late date.
The good news is that the surgeon not only made an appointment with a gynecologist for the coming week, but also is having a plastic surgeon see me just before the mastectomy to mark guidelines on me (evidently larger ladies can end up with uncomfortable knots of tissue if the simple side-to-side seam is exclusively used - I will end up looking like Frankenstein's monster, but will hopefully be a bit more comfortable, which is a plus in my book). She also pulled some strings, and I will be seeing the oncologist in the coming week, as well.
So things are finally moving along, and I have hope that this team will prove more responsive and trustworthy than the last. Not The Best of All Possible Worlds (that would be the one where I wake up and find that the whole thing was just a bad dream), but at least I might feel like an individual again - at this point I am grateful for small blessings.