8/19/09

Cuckoo

I pulled Nurse Ratched for the sleep study, which was an exercise in both futility and discomfort.

She irritably asserted that I had sleep apnea (because everyone else who comes there does, according to her).

She asserted that my stuffiness at night was not allergies but irritation from the apnea (because everyone else has that problem).

She asserted that my skin couldn't possibly be allergic to/irritated by the glue they used on my head/face or the material the mask for the c-pap is made out of (ignore those little round contact-shaped rashes on your skin in the morning, nobody else ever had those).

In the morning she did admit that I didn't seem to have apnea, but added in a complaining tone that this was probably because when I managed to doze off I slept on my side instead of 'supine'. Evidently I would have had apnea like everybody else if I had slept in the slightly different position I had reported as being my habit. Clearly I was just being difficult. (I do usually tilt a bit further forward than a completely side-laying position, but there was a bunch of wires and glued-on contacts on my head and face and a bunch of machinery stuffed up my nostrils, so I wasn't able to sleep in a way that put more pressure on them).

She then made up for this tiny admission by sarcastically noting that the wires had tipped my cup of water all over the cart - 'it's only fifteen thousand dollars worth of computer.' I refrained from pointing out that I had originally put my cup on the ledge on the other side, and that she was the one who had decided it should be moved to the cart.

She was able to reassert her position very quickly after that by directing me to the stubbornly arctic shower by which I was supposed to rid myself of the half pound of glue and interesting blue X's she'd ground into my head and face. Nobody else has ever complained about the shower being too icy. She came into my room to inform me of this, but did not put her hand into the water to check it when I ran the shower as a demonstration.

And she was right. Nobody else complained about the shower this morning. The two other people having sleep studies this morning were stoic looking older men who were very quietly sliding their way towards the elevators when I flagged them down. I asked them how they had been able to manage the cold showers.

Neither of them had used the shower.

We all washed our heads in the bathroom sinks.

9 comments:

krex said...

Oh, you make it sound so much fun... I think I will put off my sleep study for another 20 years .

On the upside...you had only a few hours to spend with her, imagine how much fun her family has every day .

(and they say "aspies" have bad social skills and lack empathy...baah..)

Carrie K said...

She sounds charming. I'll bet you feel better just by escaping her clutches.

Delighted Hands said...

You do have a knack for making a miserable situation sound funny!! My husband has severe apnea-he even 'aps' while laying on his stomach so it would have shown up in any position if you had it! Silly nurse needs shower........

Glorious Hats said...

And I suppose you had to consent to take the sleep study in order to "prove" scientifically that your sleep problem is not sleep apnea?

Nurse R sounds a proper terror. Karma, oh yes, Karma is not her friend. She is making withdrawals rather than deposits.

Off to go shudder some more.... it took me days to be able to post.

How cool you caught up with the other study subjects/victims .... that was a fun picture in my mind. So glad you shared that part too. Just think, maybe your talking with those accepting men may lead one of them to say something the next time he encounters a nurse R

mrspao said...

And I thought I was Nurse Ratched. What a horrible woman - how on earth do they get into nursing!! I hope someone works out what is up.

Glorious Hats said...

Oh ... I didn't intend for my comments about it taking me a few days before being able to respond to mean for you to stop sharing. It actually helps all of us to be exposed to the nitty gritty and troubling parts in your fight to have quality of life with aggressive cancer. It helps us understand the issues you face, and we want to be included. Just as it must take you time to be able to write about the experiences, it also takes us time to process and respond... well at least that is how it is for me. Hugs Jane

Roberta said...

You should of kicked her in the shins...what a boob...nurses like that drive me nuts.

Meredith & Mike said...

That does sound awful! It doesn't sound like you came out knowing too much more either. lame!

So it is bad to sleep on your side? I lay on my back til just before I fall asleep then I roll to my side.

Laughingrat said...

Oy, what a twit.