It's Been A Hard Day's Night

... or something like that.  It's been physically and mentally a difficult couple weeks.  The news from various doctors has not been encouraging - pretty much a menu of choices that all involve very unpleasant results and then more unpleasant choices.

I've clearly reached the point in terminal cancer that is pretty much all the terminal and not much of the other stuff.  And I can't say that I feel ready for it.  I don't feel ready for the process, I don't feel ready for the ending.  None of this was voluntary, and I'm feeling a bit resentful of being Drafted without my permission.

But here I am, no real choice about the matter, just a sort of vague hope of dragging things out a little bit longer.  And today is a big day in the 'trying to drag things out' process - the Gamma Knife procedure, whose only offered benefit is the possible potential to slow the rapid march of the brain tumors down a bit... an attempt, as the neurologic surgeon puts it, 'to bring the battle back to the body'.  A battle that my body clearly is losing relatively quickly at this point, but that might buy me a few extra weeks or months with my loved ones.


Wish me luck with the battle - that the procedure itself won't be as unpleasant as one fears in the wee small hours of the night, that the side effects will be minimal, that it will work and buy me that bit of extra time, and maybe a smidge more functionality and less pain for a while.  Every little bit counts at this point.

I need the luck...


Delighted Hands said...

Done-hope to hear from you soon that it works wonderfully in all areas!

{ <3 }

The Violet Hoarder said...

First, this post should not have been labeled Whinging, but Truth-telling. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear and hard to say.

Second, you're still here...thank goodness. I hope the gamma knife is as sci-fi as it sounds and works a little miracle for you. I can understand that with a new grandaughter, time is more precious to you than ever. Here's to getting those months!

Nancy K. said...

I bet you never in a million years imagined you could be this strong! To go through everything that you've been through and then to write about it with still some wit an humor is nothing short of heroic in my eyes!

That little Granddaughter of yours has got some mighty strong genes running through her veins.

Gentle Hugs and lots of love...