... or something like that. It's been physically and mentally a difficult couple weeks. The news from various doctors has not been encouraging - pretty much a menu of choices that all involve very unpleasant results and then more unpleasant choices.
I've clearly reached the point in terminal cancer that is pretty much all the terminal and not much of the other stuff. And I can't say that I feel ready for it. I don't feel ready for the process, I don't feel ready for the ending. None of this was voluntary, and I'm feeling a bit resentful of being Drafted without my permission.
But here I am, no real choice about the matter, just a sort of vague hope of dragging things out a little bit longer. And today is a big day in the 'trying to drag things out' process - the Gamma Knife procedure, whose only offered benefit is the possible potential to slow the rapid march of the brain tumors down a bit... an attempt, as the neurologic surgeon puts it, 'to bring the battle back to the body'. A battle that my body clearly is losing relatively quickly at this point, but that might buy me a few extra weeks or months with my loved ones.
Wish me luck with the battle - that the procedure itself won't be as unpleasant as one fears in the wee small hours of the night, that the side effects will be minimal, that it will work and buy me that bit of extra time, and maybe a smidge more functionality and less pain for a while. Every little bit counts at this point.
I need the luck...