Well, it was a pretty darned demoralizing visit with Dr. Bouncy today.

We looked at my just-pre-Leg-Explosion  scans.

For one thing, we saw why Dr. B said that ablation was not an option for the pelvis/hip tumor.  It is not a nice tame sphere of haywire cells.  It is a Blob Of Evil that wraps pretty much around and through the entire pelvic and femur area.  It has destroyed most of the bone, and is strangling everything else around it, including blood flow - thus the Amazing Expandable Leg.  And it is growing at breakneck speed, to the point where I can feel the difference between how it is one day and how it is two days later.

My guess is that although some of the other tumors were responding mildly to some of the chemo treatments, that tumor was busily wrapping itself around me, unchecked.


I was told earlier about the rib tumor that is expanding itself into the top section of my lung.  But it turns out I also have an independent tumor in my liver.

Which is the first of what is likely to be many.  Fairly soon, if this last treatment doesn't work.

Prognosis is not good.  This was illustrated by the fact that Dr. Bouncy not only didn't conspicuously avoid the whole End Of Life/Hospice Care conversation - he initiated it.

So if this treatment works better than the others, I'll have some months ahead.  Probably not a year.    If it doesn't - well, of course nobody can say for certain, but we can probably count the weeks pretty easily.

Not what we wanted to hear, even though we were fairly certain of the likely report long before we entered the office.

There are a lot of practical decisions and work that are going to need doing in the next few weeks.

No rest for the wicked, I guess...


Anonymous said...

Ah, damn, Eileen, I'm so sorry.

Gypsy-Maria said...

This is a big mass of suck. I wish there was something I could do to help. If you ever need anything, I'm on the Facebook, just let me know. *hugs*

Delighted Hands said...

Sending prayers and a hug.

Tough news right now, that is for sure.

Nancy K. said...

I am so sorry. I hope that you are able to find some peace and have some pain-free time in the coming weeks, months ~ or however much time you have. Like you said: none of us knows for sure! All we can hope for is to make the best of the time we have and to discover real Joy and Love on the other side.

How ARE you? This has to be so hard for you to hear. You have such a strong will and drive. You've fought so hard, it has to be maddening to be told that you can't win this battle! I hope you know that you WILL be the winner in the end. It is all of those left behind who will suffer the loss of such a very special friend.

Please tell me if you'd rather I not speak in this manner. I will not be offended. I don't want to offend you or hurt your feelings in any way! I'm hoping to open the discussion up to things that you really do want to talk about. If I'm wrong ~ set met me straight! Lord knows, it wouldn't be the first time that I stuck my foot in my mouth...

Sending you much love, prayers and gentle hugs.

Eve said...

Shitty, shit! So sorry to hear this. Will be praying for you!

Jill Stanze said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jill Stanze said...

Eileen: It's Jill from chemo. This is just no damn good. I would like to email you but don't know your email address. Mine is jillstanze@yahoo.com. If you feel like it, please send me a quick message so I can correspond with you. You have been/are in my daily thoughts. Peace to you, Jill

Dayle Ann Stratton said...

Eileen, thank you for sharing what you are going through, both the physical and the emotional. I took care of my mom when she was dying of cancer, but by the time I got there, she was not able to talk to me with words, and my father was full of his own pain. It was beautiful to see him with her during that time, though: he did things for her so gently, so sweetly, and with so much respect for her dignity. Now your voice speaks for my mom in the way she couldn't, and though we don't really know each other (just what I've read on Handprepared fibres, that wonderful online family of people), it makes me feel connected to both you and to my mom. Because of my mom, I understand something of what you are going through, and because of you I can begin to truly understand what my mom would have communicated to me had she been able. Thank you. I will hold you in my heart where I still hold my mom after all these years. May the peace she felt be with you in the days to come.

Dayle Ann

soren2go said...

I hold you and your family in my heart and pray that you will all feel God's love and that He will grant you strength and courage.