It turns out that I'm not stupid or neurotic (at least, not entirely)...
I DO have too little stomach acid, and I AM allergic to myself.
One of the things about having Stage IV Cancer is that doctors will test things out more thoroughly than they otherwise are inclined to do.
So now when I complain about symptoms that I have actually been complaining of for two decades and trying to get someone to take seriously, doctors are willing to do more than pat me on the head and imply that I am either depressed or just trying to get attention. They are now willing to be pushed into looking more deeply into the issue. Of course, I still have to ask them to do so - but at least now they will actually do it.
So we are starting to work our way through the various problems that are suddenly reaching Critical Mass. I'm not happy that they had to reach this point before I could get anyone to take me seriously, but we are where we are, and I suppose there is something to be said for being able to say, "I Told You So!"
So now we find that I have pernicious anemia and some (various, probable long-term) underlying causes for the pernicious anemia... probably autoimmunity issues (no big aha! moment there) and gastric issues, including lack of sufficient stomach acid.
I would like to give a big Shouting Out "Ahem" to the gastrointestinal doc who abused me last summer when I told her I thought my severe acid reflux was being caused by too little stomach acid, rather than too much.
We're just at the beginning of sorting things out, and I don't know whether we'll get to the core issues in time to do much good, but the current result is that on Tuesday afternoon Dr. Bouncy** gave me a B12 shot.
About six hours later, for no apparent reason, I suddenly was filled with a completely unreasonable feeling of... well, it was a lot like optimism. And on Wednesday morning my son said, "Mom, what ARE you DOING!?! Are you dancing in your chair?!!?" Yes, I was... the song my internal radio was playing in my head was a peppy, happy one, and I was enjoying it. A lot.
Energy. So THAT is what it feels like.
I must learn to use this new power for Good, rather than Evil.
(I want a B12 shot every day...)
**I LOVE Dr. Bouncy!!